Women today

So...... work. I work at a night club and I am astounded by the sheer vapidity that I run into on a nightly baisis. I makes me wonder how do these people make it through their day to day. They say ignorance is bliss, obviously these people have taken it to heart. But today I want to focus on the female. Whilst done up beautifully made attractive in form and dress these subjects seemingly lack one very important factor.

I am not trying to be mean, but in hearing the conversations of these women I wonder if these conversations are normal. Lacking in content that might provoke a thought, the conversation seems more in line with something found on the show the jersey Shore than in real life. While these women are very nice to look at that's about it.  Now I should point out that yes after years of growing up and learning a few small things my thought process has changed.

But I am no longer content to chase an image I want substance I want something that can go beyond simplistic pick up lines that are used a thousand times over. Yes I know I should smile no I am not going to and yes I know I have pretty eyes. Now that that is out of the way let's move on to something a bit deeper shall we?

Yes I have high standards but it seems as though my current standards used to be the norm.  We have a dumbing down of real relationship ship goals can we get those back please? 

Healthy Eating and Shopping

Today I tried to continue my healthy trend for eating. Not so much at home....I slept the day away; but with my shopping for food for my overnight shifts. Let me tell you a regular grocery store leaves things very lacking. Now i see why Americans are the fattest country in the world. Our serving sizes are ridiculous and our food choices are so lacking in nutrition it defies logic.

Now I am not the healthiest person in this country, but when looking for real food choices I am beyond floored. Not at the variety of options, at the pure lack of nutrional value our food contains. How do I know this to be true you may ask. Well i will tell you. This past week i pulled some extra hours at work; doing this always limits my time to eat, so of course i defaulted to fast food to fuill in the gap. Now all total i ate 5 meals that were fast food based. They tore up my stomach and i felt tired and sluggish in the time periods where i was awake and fighting for lucidity. 5 meals shpuold not make your poo go atomic and have you praying to the toilet gods for an end to the pain and misery. I know TMI, but we have to face facts; we are ingesting very empty calories and chemicals that are destroying our bodies.

The dinner i cooked Monday night was simple fare yet by the time i was half way done i was feeling satisfied. Didn't happen with the fast food. i look forward to the days i can cook and find better healthier food. Back to my shopping trip....one thing i do my best to do is have a fruit with my lunch. Normally not in any kind of juice or liquid a) cuts down on sugars and b) it just better for you. At the grocery store could i find fruit like this? Hardly. oh the had cut cantaloupe but I could tell i was chock full of preservatives. No fruit sits that long in a refrigeration unit and still looks that fresh. Again not the healthiest but honestly if i make it to 90 i really don't want to look like i am 30.

Yes the fat guy is making a case for real healthy food. Chock full of vitamins minerals...flavor and oh my gosh real taste. Seriously soon we are going to have chicken flavored chicken because what will be given to us wont even be a true piece of meat. Ladies and gentlemen it is time we take a stand and demand that our food be food. Not a list of chemicals made to taste like food. 15 years from now we are going to have raspberries with real raspberry flavoring. Seriously think about it just for a second...laugh now but know the day is coming where food is not food. It is a gray paste made to taste like....insert your flavor. We need to get back to the basics. Refuse to buy prepackaged crap. Cook, i mean real food with real flavor and real texture.

My thoughts on my dad

Today i write a blog about my dad. yes I am still in the healing process and yes it is hard. Earlier this yeah i spent time in an area that i was not really aware he went to. But after going and seeing the simple beauty and the majesty of being out in nature surrounded by trees....it brought back some memories of stuff we did as kids. It brought back seeing my dad more relaxed...I think he liked the outdoors more than he wanted to admit. I got to see the world through mydads eys for just a moment.

For the many who knew my dad i am begining to see there are a very select few that actually knew my dad. Now i know some people can say I grew up with him but i spent so much time trying not to be like him i missed a ton. Hindsight is definately 20/20 and what it is showing me is enlightening. I know my dad is not a saint. He always said we are very alike....if thats the case then i guess it is a good thing he knew some Godly people. Some of the same people i know and tell me the same thing they told him. We are preaying for you. Now in his case it may have been because he had 3 willfull, hardheaded, very intelliegent children.....me cause I am still that way. My dad was a great man not because he did great things, or left us a legacy that will span generations but he taught me something more. How to be a particular kind of man, not the kind of man who sits back and says life is doing me wrong so i better do nothing at all. He taught me that choosing to love someone is going to be one of the toughest decisions i can make and when i do stick to it. One of the best things he taught me, something i didnt appricate until he was gone, is Trust in God and love God and every thing will work out how it should. I had survivors guilt. I had guillt because i was in washington instead of Vegas. I had tons of guilt and didnt know how to deal with it.

Now I have hope for a btter tomorrow because i started paying attention to what nmy dad worked hard to teach me. He always said "son I don't want you to make the same mistakes I did". Well some I have and some i have made my own, but through it all I always remeber my dad making a concious choice to accept some of my choices that i thought were at the time right for me. Cause we both remebered the lessons we were teaching and learning. I miss my dad...I don't have him to turn to anymore when i am troubled or lost....but i have what he was teaching me

The difference

Disclaimer: this is my perspective the way I see it. If you don't like it stop reading and move on.

I have noticed a disturbing trend in relationships I am forming. I do sent mean it is wrong it is just wrong for me. That trend I am seeing....involves fantasy vs. reality. Now there is nothing wrong with a little fantasy and fun in any relationship. However the trend that I am seeing is that the expectation of the fantasy be the reality.

For anyone that actually knows me I deal with the real. Not saying that I can't have fun or enjoy a date night that seems drawn form a fantasy but in all things real life I like to deal in facts. I don't believe in playing games when I make a statement about how I feel or what I see.

Whats funny about this is no matter what I state I am told my perspective is wrong. Well news flash, it's my perspective so not only it is right but for it to change I have to do that and for me to do that you have to do something world changing. Why you might ask, and I can say 1.it's my perspective or 2.I can be brutally honest and let you know your behavior, your actions, and your words dont match. Yes you can object to everything I can say here and I will direct you to the disclaimer. Yes you can say I am an asshole and I will tell you 2 things. Yes I am. And I have never hidden that.

The Sentinel

This is my last attempt at poetry so if my words don't flow don't have a go at me. Please understand I am speaking from my heart lettering that last wall fall in hoppers I can gain back some of my humanity.

See you inspired me to go to the written word when I had given up hope of of speaking again. You encouraged me t ok seek the voice that I have been missing, to busy pudding away the gift that I have been graced with. Facing once again losing a gift I had been graced with I turn to the written word to convey the psalm that is on my heart.

Even though it started when I was young and graced with that golden tongue that turned you to look at me. I started to see a bigger picture when I leet you in so that I could knowingly sin. In your arms I felt happy for a time, but then things began to unwind. Since I was grown but not, I should have had the sense to stop before I damaged you, but like a selfish child I wanted more.

That left the door open for years and to many tears most of which I never cried as I tired to impart how you had my heart. See hindsight is 20/20 and though I see clearly now I was blinded then. I was blinded by my misery  and shame could see that the whole time you were willing to stand beside me and lead me to the light. I was t ok busy trying to fight a battle that was mine. If I had a dime for every time I have you an excuse I would be well off. Pardon me as I cough from the dust that is rising from my index emotions, tightly locked away from coming out to play since I had been hurt before.

I know you are not her or them but in your own way while tending my garden you were slowly destroying me, but that is because I would not let you see through the fog of my wounds as they poured out more smoke. Yes those screens we used to choke and kill the romance we had and now using that hindsight 20/20 ok wish I could take it back.

Nothing to do be be a man accept my mistakes say a heartfelt I am sorry to the one woman who stood in my corner against all odds and fought for me. My sentinel, my guardian even when the job is no longer yours you stand a post better than most and longer than all. I don't know if this is your call given to you by the divine Master but I say thank you a and I am sorry for all the hurt I caused. I am flawed and broken though with you standing guard I get to play the card one more time.

Dante's Inferno Goes Gamer

So I finally picked up a game that challenges some very set conventions around video games. Dante's
Inferno was uber-disturbing. Lets start with the imagery that was taken straight from the poem. If you have not read it well you are missing a lot. The minor demons are standard fare for video games; slightly uninspired for this game yet what makes them stand out would be the damned souls that they are torturing. The ambient noise and music also lends to the feeling of surreal and slight freakiness. This game goes into some great visuals on everything in the foreground but everything in the background is very generic. This is one of the game's small failings but by and large this game deserves at leat a 4 star rating. Music and ambient noise lend to the overall sense of impending doom up until the last level. Then the game takes a turn for the cheeseball. The inclusion of the orignal poem does lend the game some credence epecially if you read as you progress through the levels of hell. For those unfamilar with the actual poem here is a chance to see a chilling but possibly drug induced dream of a mans look at Hel. Now back to the game, it was good but the gaame on the last few levels seems to run out of stema and resort to cheap over played video game sentimentality. This would be the game's major failing but over all the game holds togther with out any major glithces. So gamers go check out this game and see a dream a vision come to life on a gaming system in a very good mix of action platforming and level progression.

Why do we hate truth

Why do we hate the truth?  I mean we are taught to tell the truth.  In fact more often than not we learn from the examples our parents set for us.  So it becomes easy to tell white lies and we go to church and they do it there and we learn to slowly hate the truth.  I recently was introduced to 2 videos that state the Truth is small simple words that everyone can understand.  And the response to these videos was universally the same.  People posted as to why this man was so wrong in telling the Truth. Listening to a young man describe the difference Jesus and religion and state Truth. Because

See God speaks to us in so many ways and we are so busy with our lives and our worries that we forget to be still and listen to simple truth. And being still is what it is all about, just so we can hear that small still voice tell us the Truth. Funny thing is we don't want to hear it because that would mean we would have to stop lying to ourselves about ourselves. Or that we would have to challenge tightly held beliefs because it doesn't really jive with real Truth.  

Think about it like this.....real truth is ugly at first, because it makes us see the ugliness in us. But then it can transform us into something beautiful, majestic, inspiring if we just let it and we stop and listen.