Today i write a blog about my dad. yes I am still in the healing process and yes it is hard. Earlier this yeah i spent time in an area that i was not really aware he went to. But after going and seeing the simple beauty and the majesty of being out in nature surrounded by trees....it brought back some memories of stuff we did as kids. It brought back seeing my dad more relaxed...I think he liked the outdoors more than he wanted to admit. I got to see the world through mydads eys for just a moment.
For the many who knew my dad i am begining to see there are a very select few that actually knew my dad. Now i know some people can say I grew up with him but i spent so much time trying not to be like him i missed a ton. Hindsight is definately 20/20 and what it is showing me is enlightening. I know my dad is not a saint. He always said we are very alike....if thats the case then i guess it is a good thing he knew some Godly people. Some of the same people i know and tell me the same thing they told him. We are preaying for you. Now in his case it may have been because he had 3 willfull, hardheaded, very intelliegent children.....me cause I am still that way. My dad was a great man not because he did great things, or left us a legacy that will span generations but he taught me something more. How to be a particular kind of man, not the kind of man who sits back and says life is doing me wrong so i better do nothing at all. He taught me that choosing to love someone is going to be one of the toughest decisions i can make and when i do stick to it. One of the best things he taught me, something i didnt appricate until he was gone, is Trust in God and love God and every thing will work out how it should. I had survivors guilt. I had guillt because i was in washington instead of Vegas. I had tons of guilt and didnt know how to deal with it.
Now I have hope for a btter tomorrow because i started paying attention to what nmy dad worked hard to teach me. He always said "son I don't want you to make the same mistakes I did". Well some I have and some i have made my own, but through it all I always remeber my dad making a concious choice to accept some of my choices that i thought were at the time right for me. Cause we both remebered the lessons we were teaching and learning. I miss my dad...I don't have him to turn to anymore when i am troubled or lost....but i have what he was teaching me
